Second pregnancies are very different from first pregnancies. First pregnancies are much more focused. There is very little to distract you from the fact that you have a tiny human growing inside you. Second pregnancies often have a tiny toddler running around to keep you plenty distracted. We had a tiny toddler, a pending move, and a head on battle with anxiety to keep us quite distracted from our tiny son growing inside of me.
Every now and then, when I had been especially distracted, I would escape and go spend time with my boy. I would sneak out to the thrift store and shop for some Keller clothes. I know girl clothes get all the attention, but man, I love boy clothes. Little plaid button downs?! Add a bald baby head, and he’ll look like a darling tiny old man – which I mean – CUTE. I bought a lot more clothing for Keller in my pregnancy than I did for Mary. It was just my time I could focus in and bond with my baby boy. He probably has a year’s worth of clothing. I also made this tiny little hat for him. I loved spending time dedicated to hand making something for our son. This hat is the only thing Keller ever wore. Want to know something really neat? It fit him absolutely perfectly. Like it was made for his little head. And it was!
Even in all the aftermath of loosing Keller, I have difficulty focusing in on our son. Life doesn’t stop just because your world stops. There is such frustration and beauty in that fact. In order to simply function, I often have to push the ever present thoughts and hurt of losing Keller to the periphery. And so, this blog is my chance to focus back in and spend some time with our boy. It’s my chance to love him up and reflect on his impact on our lives.
Focus is such a blessing. Life often has a decent level of chaos. We need to take time to stop. Stop. Sit. Focus in. Focus in on the creation God is forming inside of you. Focus in on the spouse who vowed to be by your side. Focus in on the friend whose loyalty is unmatched. Focus in on the God who breathed life into your soul and is forever unchanging. Stop, settle in, and dedicate time to focusing in, celebrating, and growing these relationships. It is such a luxury to be able to set aside the doldrums of life and focus in on our relationships. So take hold of this blessing and focus in.